At this point, loyal Floribama Shore viewers have learned that if a night out doesn’t end in an altercation of some sort, it’s a sign of the apocalypse.
This week’s episode picks up in the middle of the bar fight the roommates got into with the hat-wearing “farmer boy” who made fun of Gus’ hair. Candace’s club pal Matthew is standing by as she shouts, “What’s up?” and “Where ya at?” to a trio of guys being held back at security. Shortly afterwards, all eight housemates get kicked out of Newby’s and have to return home, where Jeremiah is livid that the group got into yet another brawl.
“I’m not about to escalate s— because one of us is wrong,” he says.
Kirk and Codi — who claims he’d take a bullet for any one of his roommates — believe this to mean that Jeremiah doesn’t have their backs. “Sometimes just live a little,” Kirk says in an on-camera interview. “Sit back and talk some s—. Like just laugh about some things some times. Not everything has to be a lecture.”
Jeremiah clarifies, “I have their back to a certain extent but you’re not going to make a fool out of yourself and expect to get dug out of the hole that you just brought yourself into.”
He then ends up in tears after Codi accuses Jeremiah of not being there for Kirk when he took on a naysayer at Donovan’s earlier in the summer. “Just because I’m bigger doesn’t mean I need to fight,” Jeremiah cries to Candace. She understands and the next day, the Floribama crew takes a boat trip to try to lighten the mood.
“Do sharks eat black people?”
Candace is not excited for the boat trip to Shell Island because, “I’ve seen Titanic and I know how that ends,” she asserts. She shows up wearing floaties and black sweatpants and upon learning that there are sharks in the ocean (duh?) Candace asks the boat attendant before they depart, “Do sharks eat black people?”
The man says he doesn’t think sharks discriminate in their prey, and just like that, the gang is off for a day of drinking, snorkeling and splashing around. All that goes wrong is Codi forgetting to remove his wallet before jumping in the water, and now he might have to cancel his American Express card. “I don’t want to lose my 12 months free no interest,” he laments.
Candace is scared out of the water — in which she continued to wear the black sweatpants — when the group mistakes a dolphin for a shark, and they head home. Candace dives in again though when she asks Matthew over to see what he’s like in actual life. She’s glad he accepts her invitation despite the “craziness of last night,” and the next day, he comes to see the house and hang out on the beach.
Thrilled that he has a job, no kids and hasn’t been previously married, the sort-of date gets off to a good start. But then Matthew, who we learn is a 31-year-old Marine from New Jersey, admits to going to strip clubs, having sex with strippers and discusses how he “keeps it trim” down there.
“Matthew liking the strip club, that was a huge turn off for me,” Candace says. “You were cool to dance with and have fun with, but it wasn’t what I expected at all. So I’m just like, well, mission failed. It’s done.”
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Barrel-chested freedom fighterNilsa isn’t having much luck with men either. But then Jeremiah’s brother Josh shows up. Jeremiah refers to Josh as his “gym partner” and “my boy,” and the two completely bro out once they’re together, dabbing and all.
Candace calls Josh, a Marine, “Jeremiah with a bad haircut,” and Kortni decides, ” I don’t think either one of these homeschool freaks are fun.” But Nilsa is all about Josh, though you wouldn’t know that by how she totally ignores him after he arrives. “I kind of want to be like distant so he doesn’t think that I’m like, oh my God, drooling,” she says.
He’s the “barrel-chested freedom fighter” she’s been waiting for and once night falls upon Panama City Beach (and the alcohol kicks in), all it takes is Josh to say, “Where am I sleeping tonight?” for Nilsa to stop playing hard to get and start being straightforward. “In my bed,” she responds.
“F— it,” he says right before kissing a giddy Nilsa.
Back at the house after the bar makeout, Nilsa and Josh jump right into bed and engage in the most off-putting pillow talk in franchise history.
“I hope you like Jesus,” says as they make their way under the covers.
“Jesus is a good friend of mine,” Josh stutters.
“Mine too. He’s going to be watching our every move,” she says, angling her Jesus candle towards the bed.
“If I taste like nasty pasta, will you tell me?” Nilsa, who presumably had pasta for dinner, asks as they’re tossing around in bed.
Josh, ever the gentleman, assures, “I love pasta.”
Maybe it’s just because he’s her first hookup in “forever,” but Nilsa falls for Josh’s drunken charm and the two spend the night breathing heavily and getting tangled up in one another. “He makes me feel like he really want me,” she says. “Josh just might be what I need.”
A post shared by Jeremiah Buoni (@jeremiahbuoni) on Dec 8, 2017 at 6:08pm PST
Attack on Aimee
Meanwhile, Aimee is fuming to Kortni because while Nilsa and Josh were making out in their cab ride home, the small-town Alabama girl wasn’t on the receiving end of any love in hers. (Prior to getting into the cabs though, Aimee peed right behind the van.)
For some reason, Codi thought Aimee would be jealous of Nilsa getting lucky, so he so generously offered to come into Aimee’s room, scoop her off her feet and give her a toe-curling good time. To which Aimee responded, “Codi, I love you as a brother. It’s not going to happen.”
After adding that she would want to maintain a platonic relationship with all of her male roommates, Kirk clapped back that he wouldn’t want to hook up with her anyway.
“In a million years with someone else’s d—, I would never want to f— you,” he shouts. “I’m just being real with you.”
At home in the living room, the guys continue to go back and forth hurling insults at Aimee, who at this point has stepped outside with Kortni, already upset from the cab ride. Jeremiah is baring witness to it all, just hours after telling his brother: “Some of the women, you wanna cut with Nilsa or Aimee, it’s apparently talking down to them and it’s degrading women. Nilsa’s definitely the one that has the most emotion.”
But as Codi agrees with Kirk when he declares, “In reality, I wouldn’t even look at her twice,” Jeremiah is pissed off and interjects. “Guys you just need to chill with that,” he says. “Because it’s cool to think that, I understand that we can all have our personal opinions about that, but you don’t say that s— out loud. You don’t know if she’s f—— listening.”
Codi tries to justify himself by saying he’s already told Aimee everything he’s saying to her face, and Kirk flat out doesn’t care because they all agreed that Aimee has a great personality.
“Aimee’s opened up to us about being in a bad relationship from a man and told that she doesn’t look good,” Jeremiah continues in an on-camera interview. “Why would you continue to prod on that? As if Aimee needs more help to s— on herself.”
The trio of guys take things outside to the porch, and we’re left assuming Jeremiah, despite his earlier desire to refrain from getting physical, is going to ring Kirk and Codi’s necks and throw their bodies into the Atlantic Ocean.
Floribama Shore airs Mondays (10 p.m. ET) on MTV.